Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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