okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize