did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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