god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
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