Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I skipped work to stalk him.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize