It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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