just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
