Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
