you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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