I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
