I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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