Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
