it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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