Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
