I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
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