New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Randomize
