No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
