Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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