Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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