i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
you made out with another girl for some wings
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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