If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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