i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
