White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
