the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
