Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I just found puke in my bra..
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
