I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
