if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
