Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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