Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
These tits shall not be calmed
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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