why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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