failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
