And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
