i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
