I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
