I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
