so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
