If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Randomize
