i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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