So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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