My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
