i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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