i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
she told me i tasted like america
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Randomize
