im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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