We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize