you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
