I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
