it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
