what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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