On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
You don't make any sense
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