you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
