The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
