dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Green mimosas i think yes
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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