remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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