i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
