i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
