So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Randomize
