YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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