Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I need a hoe opinion
go on
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
