Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
