Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
3 2 1 whiskey
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize