Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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