I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I'm like, not good at living.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize