Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
