U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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