I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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