So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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