Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
