it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize