Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
