I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
