my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
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