these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
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