I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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