I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
