I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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